Author: Jonas

Take a sip of the chilled Pol Roger and a snack of the freshly baked Baklava. Done? Good. Enjoy.

In the not too distant future, I expect one of the world’s respected medical journals, perhaps The Lancet or the Harvard Medical Review, will release a document on public health and the workplace that will show a direct relationship between the overzealous use of out-of-office replies and a fondness for wearing sweatpants.

The article will prove that people who like to post elaborate out-of-office replies not only dislike their jobs but also tend to be less entrepreneurial, poor team-players and, in many cases, lazy. At the same time, it will also reveal that OOORs frequently end up making elasticated stretch trousers (Fast Lane’s international symbol for having given up on life) a wardrobe staple, and that these tend to be closely associated with an unhealthy appetite for daytime TV, eating biscuits from the packet and, ultimately, unemployment.

Now send the next person that answers back with An out of office reply a couple of Juicy sweatpants, a Ryanair ticket and a map to the door. People.

As we suffered from a week of European flight hopping we finally got a chance to sit back and relax a bit. Unfortunately this was accompanied by a rather crude safety instruction by aviation waitresses who apparently hadn’t enjoyed the charmingly breakfast buffet at Hotel de la Paix in Geneva as we had that morning. But we digress. To the sound of a monotone voice, it became painfully obvious what’s lacking in current aviation services. The signature tune.

Although we might have chosen a different tune than the post-modern choice made by Jacob Zuma, Awuleth Umshini wami (Bring Me My Machine Gun), a signature tune is a natural branding tool. It’s sad to see that it’s so seldom used as a branding opportunity by the aviation industry.

So you might ask what a proper signature tune would be. Would Lufthansa be brave enough to spray a little sunshine from the sandy beaches and beautiful bums of Rio with The Choro. Or could Swiss see the opportunity of R.Kellys sexy joddling in “Echo” everytime you touched ground with one of their A340’s? We would certainly hope so. However, we’re perplexed by Qatar Airways choice of tune that makes you cry like a dalmatian in a London penthouse everytime you board a flight to Doha.

Whatever choice it will add much need brand quality to aviation outfits everywhere. That goes beyond the a well stitched bow-tie or neatly matched scarf and hat. A strong and chippy signature tune will be an essential part of aviation recovery. We will be keeping our ears to the speakers.

When do people travel with their families? Summer time.
What is their main concern? Safety.
So what to write about on a summer sunday? Naturally, the horrors of a dysfunctional cockpit combo.

Lesson to live by: If you can’t understand what the pilot is saying, be sure to put your Oneworld Emerald status to work and board that Cathy Pacific flight bound for Singapore instead. And do it swiftly.